"I am so excited because we are going to see the crocadillies."
Snooki

"If you want me to cook and poison everybody & we're gonna be dead in 2 minutes?... Whatever."
Snooki

"A crow comes and it starts quacking at us... or not quacking, what does a crow do?"
Snooki

"We are going to Space.. Space means like guidos juicehead gorillas, sexy, tanned, sweaty boys.. & house music."
Snooki

"[Vinny]'s like my big brother, I love him.. but usually you don't have sex with your big brother."
Snooki

"One [fireman] is tall, tanned.. & he looked Italian, so I woulda smushed that, yes."
Snooki



"I’m not sure what lobsters eat, but I think they eat like insects or something… so I was gonna feed them worms."
Snooki

"What I would love to find is a guido, juicehead with my style who's not a cheater 'cause I'm not gonna go on Match.com again."
Snooki

"Angelina got it in with Vinny cuz she's a loosey-goose & then she had sex with Jose the next day... WHORE.. just sayin'."
Snooki

"I thought I broke my vagina bone.. it was terrible."
Snooki

"I don’t give a f*ck. You had my sloppy seconds, good for you… & obviously you’re loosey-goose cuz he got it in."
Snooki

"I'm not white. I'm tan."
Snooki

"I'm just very excited for him to come over & ya know.. get it in."
Snooki

"(talking about Vinny's d*ck) It’s like putting a watermelon into a pinhole."
Snooki



"White's in in Miami.. what if you get your period? It’s ruined."
Snooki

"I can't see any ice creams, I can't see any customers, cuz I'm a f*ckin' Smurf."
Snooki

"Snooki: It hurts my vagina... The Situation: Ok, come down.. Snooki: No no, I like it!"
Snooki



"I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned."
Snooki

"Eating fried pickles was a life changing experience."
Snooki

"My bronzer’s leaking off my face."
Snooki

"I feel like a pilgrim from the friggin’ 20’s washing sh*t right now."
Snooki