"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."
"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
"Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right."
"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all."
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said: that's a big word for a girl of nine."
"Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet."
"When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
"Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer."
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."