funny pictures, optical illusions, funny video clips, weird news, and famous quotes



Dave Barry Quotes





"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."
Dave Barry

"I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding."
Dave Barry

"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"
Dave Barry

"Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant."
Dave Barry

"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."
Dave Barry

"Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster."
Dave Barry

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
Dave Barry



"Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!"
Dave Barry

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."
Dave Barry

"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"
Dave Barry

"American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors."
Dave Barry

"Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes."
Dave Barry

"Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions."
Dave Barry



"Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer."
Dave Barry

"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."
Dave Barry

"The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."
Dave Barry

"Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
Dave Barry

"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.'
Dave Barry

"Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets-foods that have had all of their organs safely removed."
Dave Barry

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
Dave Barry



"I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.'
Dave Barry

"Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro."
Dave Barry

"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath."
Dave Barry

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."
Dave Barry

"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death."
Dave Barry

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
Dave Barry

"The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes."
Dave Barry

"Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.)"
Dave Barry

"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
Dave Barry

"Escargot is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'."
Dave Barry

"In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary, turns out to mean: Eel with big abcess."
Dave Barry

"Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep."
Dave Barry











famous quotes

Quotes by Famous Men:
Albert Einstein
Abraham Lincoln
George Washington
John F Kennedy
Martin Luther King Jr.
Mark Twain
George Bernard Shaw
George Orwell
Siegmund Freud
Friedrich Nietzsche
Mahatma Gandhi
Jesus
Socrates
Plato
Karl Marx
Adolf Hitler
Winston Churchill
Leonardo da Vinci
John Lennon
Bob Marley
Oliver Gaspirtz
Dave Barry
Popular Topics:
Being Famous
Love
Funny
Life Quotes
Patriotism
Animals
Courage
Friendship
Movies
Sex
War
Politics
Religion
Sports Quotes
Inspirational
Money Quotes
Car Quotes
Motivational
Health Quotes
Stock Quotes
Weird Bible Quotes
Stupid Celebrity Quotes
Quotes by Famous Women:
Marilyn Monroe
Audrey Hepburn
Maya Angelou
Britney Spears
Erma Bombeck
Snooki
Pamela Anderson
Hillary Clinton
Tina Fey
Jenna Jameson
Queen Elizabeth II
Mother Teresa
Angelina Jolie
Betty White
Elizabeth Taylor
Madonna
Lady Gaga
Oprah Winfrey
Michelle Obama
Nicki Minaj
Beyonce
Betty Ford



funny pictures funny video clips optical illusions
famous quotes free online games weird news